Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I have now written and rewritten this post 3 times. I just don't know how to ask or say what I need. I have decided that this is my journal and I need to write what I feel so...
This Friday will be a hard day for me. It's the anniversary of the day I lost my best friend, my hero, my Daddy. I have done quite well considering the holidays are especially hard for me except today, I just basically lost it. I ran across a picture of my Daddy holding me and just fell to my knees and sobbed and continue to do so. I think about him every single day. I wonder what he is thinking about how my life turned out. I wonder if he is proud of what I have become. I think about him holding my child. I know that he is with my heavenly Father and probably having a Pepsi and cheetos and enjoying watching over me. I just can't help but have selfish thoughts and want him here with me. I always think about how my life would be different if he were still here. People say I need to move on but how do you do that when one of the most important pieces of your life is not there to help you. I wish I had him here to help me make important decisions- he was the best at helping me weigh the pros and cons of a situation (like a hard taco or soft taco)Ha! That was our little joke! Seriously though, he helped me make some tough decisions, like college choices, class decisions and believe it or not, sorority choice. He was an extremely giving man. He would do everything and anything for someone and never ask anything in return. I like to think I do that too. He was quite funny too! He would wake me up for school with a song! I think that is where I get it...my tone deafness that is!
I really just need prayer right now. Prayers to help me get through this week and prayers for peace and comfort in knowing that my Daddy is watching me and looking out for me. Simply put...Prayer.
I love you Daddy.


Christa said...

I will definitely be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers this week.

Katie's Journey said...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers! I know he is looking down on his sweet girl with a big smile on his face though! Any dad would be proud of a wonderful daughter like you!

mary said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine my life without my dad and I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Just know he is looking down on you and is VERY proud of who you are.

Amanda Ledford said...

I'm praying for you.

Stephanie said...

I just happened to stumble upon your blog and read this post. I don't know the story of how you lost your dad, but I too lost my mom unexpectedly and just have days where I don't know how to go on. I think about her every day, and the holidays make it tougher. It was hard to realize that this was our 4th Christmas without her already. In a weird way it comforts me to know that others who have gone through the same thing have hard days as well. But you are right, they are looking down at us and I'm sure couldn't be more proud!

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