Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Just when you think you can't go on

I've been so sad lately. I went home this past weekend for the wedding of my best friend of 25 years, it was a wonderful visit to see her parents and siblings that I basically grew up with. I felt right at home. Tom and I drove on to Chattanooga to visit my hometown and it brought back so many memories. I drove past my Daddy's office and the tears just rolled down my cheeks and there was no stopping it. I can't believe that he has been gone for 10 years. It's just not possible and weighs on my heart each day but none like the past few days. I miss him so very much. I always wonder what my life would have been like if he would have still been here. I have also been reminded of having a family of my own lately. My friends are all having babies now and it seems like I am the only one who isn't. I wonder sometimes if God placed me in the role of a teacher so that I would at least get to touch a child's life even if it isn't my own child. I don't think many people, not even Octomom can say, "I have reached 22 children today." I am reminded of this each day when I get hugs from little ones as they enter my room or when I high five a kid for writing a word during writer's workshop. No one can understand the power of a 5 year old unless they have been there with that child and seen him struggle and reach success. I am so proud of my role as a teacher but long to be able to teach my own child as well. But just when you think you can't go on, you feel the arms of a child wrap around your waist and you are reminded of God's love and the fact that one day those arms will be of your own child.


mary said...

What a sweet post. I would love to have you teach my little guy and I will keep you in my prayers that god will bless you with your own little one. I remember when your dad passed away and I still don't know what to say to you to comfort you. Just know he is proud of you and always watching over the amazing lady you have become!

Becky Sims Eddings said...

What a tender heart you have for children!! I enjoyed reading this post.I never thought I would be a mommy but look at me now.... Four years without any birth control and PCOS and no baby.My husband and I had decided to be happy and content with our lives and we stopped thinking about it and boom.. I GOT PREGNANT. God's will is perfect! It may be that God is just using this time to prepare you. I don't doubt miracles anymore.. Sending you a big hug!!!

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